Do you love bread as much as I do? Do you know what your needs and wants are in a relationship? Think of your relationship needs like being your bread and your wants are like jam. Depending on what your love style is your going to need and want different things to fulfill you.
Needs versus Wants:
Needs are those things you gotta have like affection, attention, a best friend, or someone who calms you down, someone who gets you. Getting your needs met is crucial for your long term happiness. Read the ten things that Millennials need versus want.
Your wants are less important, you may want a man who is 6′ tall, vegan, has the same political viewpoints and if he doesn’t drink with a straw you will definitely swipe right. When crafting your profile you talk about your wants, ‘looking for a 6′ vegan guy, who’s gonna protest with me oh yeah, and no straws, either.’ But even if you find a guy who doesn’t drink from a straw, will he put a ring on it?
Love Style Differences:
If you are a Secure Sophia what you need from a partner is a person who is dependable and balances your life. You need a partner who will support you emotionally and someone to have fun with. For Nervous Nora, she needs her partner to see her, validate her, and spend quality time with. Nora needs to feel like her man is her best friend and she can tell him anything. Independent Isabelle doesn’t need this same level of connection but what she needs is space to live her own life. Confused Connie needs to know that she can trust this person, that they aren’t going to hurt her, that she is safe. Based on her attachment style, each woman is going to have different needs. Not sure who you are? Take my love style quiz here.
Getting your needs and wants to be met in your relationship will no doubt make you happy and content. Particularly during periods of stress, your needs can feel urgent. For example, if you are Nora and you have an important job interview coming up you love hearing your guy cheer you on. It doesn’t matter if your guy’s in an important meeting, at least he sends you a text, saying ‘Go get them, girl!’ When Isabelle is stressed she doesn’t need a text at all. In fact, Isabelle prefers space, she needs to go for a long run by herself. Before her interview, she doesn’t need a distraction she needs peace.
Having your needs met in your relationship makes you feel more in love with your partner.
But what happens when you don’t get your bread, even if it’s gluten-free bread? A girl’s gotta eat! Without bread, you will feel hungry and resentful. For Nora, if her partner is unavailable she will feel rejected and abandoned. If you’re gonna crowd Isabelle she will feel resentful and trapped. If Connie doesn’t feel safe she will either shut down or leave altogether out of fear and anger.
Wants: Sophia wants intellectual stimulation with her partner; staying up all night debating differing viewpoints is stimulating. Nora wants her relationship to be rock solid, and looking good to others will help too. She wants to know what to expect and that you have a future with your beau. Isabelle wants to know that her contribution matters and that she is not in trouble with her guy. Connie wants to be able to come and go as she pleases.
Think that maybe your online profile with 69 non-negotiable might be too much? Maybe it’s time to re-write it. Check out my post, How to Find Love in 15 seconds.
Summary: Eating bread is not going to make you fat, it’s going to make you feel satisfied. Get clear on what’s most important to you, remember the rest is all jam. Drop me a comment I wanna hear what you’re thinking about this one?