Kaitlyn Bristowe has polarized Bachelorette fans into two camps: those who love her bold feminism and those who send her death threats on Twitter. But what is more interesting than Kaitlyn’s sexual behavior is what we can learn about jealousy watching Shawn Boothe.
No one ever knows for sure what happens behind the scenes of the Bachelor franchise, but one thing for sure is that Kaitlyn’s relationship may be in trouble already just observing how her fiance’s body language on the show.
I found Kaitlyn’s confidence with her sexuality refreshing. Her openness appeals to many of her fans, she might go down in history as one of the most controversial Bachelorettes, thanks to some creative editing. I wonder if Kaitlyn’s open sexual behavior produces positive results for her. Assuming she hopes to leave the show engaged and eventually get married, has she set herself up for success?
Bringing back Nick:
You can’t blame Kaitlyn for getting excited about Nick Vial, he’s pretty damn confident too, but unfortunately, his reappearance affects many of the guys in the house in a negative way. The person this affects most is Shawn.
The problem is that when doubts play out this early in a season, how might it affect Kaitlyn and Shawn’s engagement. The real question is will Shawn be secure enough to move forward or will his anxieties get the best of him? Forget Shawn! Can a man be secure enough in his relationship to avoid jealousy when confronted with evidence that she has been with other men?
Who is Shawn:
Shawn has his own share of anxieties, as witnessed in his fidgeting behavior on group dates and his frequent assurance seeking. We don’t know whether Shawn is a wildly jealous, insecure guy or is acting like a man in love who wants to defend what is his. You could argue that Shawn’s insecurities increase dramatically because he is told in private that he is “the one” but sees his competition in public. With Shawn’s prior insecurities, has Kaitlyn’s strategy as the Bachelorette helped or hindered Shawn’s feeling secure in their relationship?
Signs Shawn is jealous:
You only have to see Shawn pacing to see how jealous he is. It’s obvious that he is ready to get angry observing Kaitlyn with the other guys, Nick in particular.
The biology of jealousy:
While there isn’t a lot of hard science on the neurology of jealousy, biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D. reports that emotionally, men are often the more fragile and the more volatile of the two sexes when it comes to relationships (at least in the early stages). Studies show that sex triggers the release of testosterone, also known as the ‘lust’ hormone. Testosterone floods the hypothalamus region of a man’s brain and drives his desire to reproduce. Unfortunately, testosterone also cranks up aggression and possessiveness in order to scare away other suitors, Fisher says.
So what can we learn about jealousy and trust from the Bachelorette? It’s one thing for final contestants on the Bachelorette to be aware that sex is happening in the privacy of the fantasy suite. It’s another when this information is aired too soon. Kaitlyn herself worries that she may have pushed it too far. Her tearful musings show her in conflict with her own behavior.
Trust is an issue:
When helping married couples cope with an affair, psychologists used to believe it was helpful to the victim to hear the details. We have since changed that line of thinking. Originally, we believed that revealing details would restore trust. However, this sharing only created new images for the victim that is nearly impossible to overcome. The brain obsesses over sordid details. Add in visual cues such as texts, emails, and videos and you create a minefield for anxiety and insecurity post-affair.
Lessons on jealousy:
The lesson for all of us in dating and long-term relationships is that both parties are responsible for creating trust. What makes for great TV doesn’t necessarily make for great relationships. If you are going to date multiple people, hopefully, you are not doing it on national TV or making it visible to your partner. In real-world examples, monogamous partners who leave their online profiles up create unnecessary feelings of insecurity. If you feel strongly about someone, wouldn’t you want to protect them from negative emotions?
Summary: I am a romantic at heart, but I am also a psychologist I don’t have a great feeling about these two. I’m not sure that Kaitlyn was completely ready to love herself or maybe fame. Shawn may want fame as well. The reality will play out. While we all want to believe that love conquers all. I want to cheer for Kaitlyn and Shawn I’m not sure they will make it in the real world. Katilyn also has more positive energy than Shawn does and I’m not sure he can keep up with her. What do you think of Kaitlyn’s and Shawn, I’d love to know.