What is a Love Style?

You might have heard of attachment styles but do you know what your Love Style is? When it comes to a type, do you know who you are? If you haven’t taken my free love style quiz you should. In under five minutes and with only ten questions you will know how you love.

A love style is made up of two things,

• 1. your attachment style which has been studied for over 50 years, and
• 2. your communication style.

Background of the Quiz

Before I created my love style quiz I searched for paper-pencil and online assessments for attachment style. All the quizzes were either too long: 100 questions or you had to pay to get your results.  Even more discouraging were the results summarizing your attachment style. According to classic attachment style, you are either: secure, anxious–preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant sounds down-right depressing.  What do these descriptors even mean? If I am preoccupied, am I’m preoccupied with my thoughts, my work, or my cell phone?  Is the goal to become less preoccupied? If I was having a hard time understanding the meaning of these attachment styles how would someone without a background in psychology understand them?

As is usually the case, in order to do something right you need to do it yourself, I had the idea to come up with a quiz that was not only succinct, but I wanted to give results that were meaningful.  I decided to call the results from my quiz a person’s love style.  Your love style is the result of how your attachment plays out in your adult relationships.

My Communication Subscale:

In my 20 years as a psychologist, I’ve noticed that while two people may have the same attachment style they often look very different depending on how they communicate. Some people I call high expressive are those who have no trouble telling their partners what they need and want. On the other hand, those people who are low expressive people, often hold back speaking their truth. In each of the four main attachment styles, there is a high and low expressive subtype. For example, if you grew up in a home that was more on the independent or isolated side if you are high expressive you are an Independent Ian or Isabelle.

High versus Low Expressive:

The difference between a high versus a low expressive person may be very subtle but if this is you it’s significant. The high expressive type doesn’t have trouble sharing what they think or feel. In some ways, they might be too expressive. The low expressive person lots their voice somewhere. Think about it, children come into this world as high expressive types. It’s only when no one listens or society tells you that they don’t necessarily care what you have to say that you learn to shut down. But the solution here is for the low expressive to learn to communicate more and the high expressive to be aware of the impact of their communication levels on others.

How do you know me so well?

I’m flattered that most people find their quiz results accurate, however, I can’t imagine that I will get every person accurate so if your profile is 80-90% accurate I would consider that a huge success. 

If you find that your profile is not at least 80-90% correct, it might be that you answered the questions in a way that sounds ideal but is not accurate to your true personality.  Often the first time people take the test, they tend to answer the questions as they see themselves, not how they actually are.  If this applies to you, I encourage you to take it a second time, this time, try not to overthink but respond based upon real-world examples and feedback from others. For example, you may think that you are independent and calm down alone but others would say you calm down only after processing with others.

It’s sensitive though:

The profile you receive is more likely accurate if you didn’t overthink your answers.  If in your profile you came up with a Secure Sophia/Steve this would imply that you are easy-going, flexible, are low drama, and have a history of mainly stable relationships. If the feedback you have gotten from previous partners has been less than favorable, what might this mean? Less about the quiz, but what might you want to work on yourself?  Sometimes people who know us well often see us more accurately than we see ourselves.

What’s next 

Knowing your style is the first step, the next is to understand what your blind spots are, those things you have a hard time seeing, and to uncover why and how you might be sabotaging your relationships. Check out my Sales page where I release new courses designed specifically for you.

Summary

I tell my clients I’m a psychologist, not a psychic. The only way I can know for sure who you are is if I meet you and understand your background. In my 20 years of clinical experience, I have yet to find another theory that explains relationships better than Attachment Theory.  Let me know how I did on your results. Please share your profile with people you know well and see If they think it is accurate? Are your friends and family similar to you or different?

Warm wishes,

Dr. Diane