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love style quiz
Love Styles
What is a Love Style?

You might have heard of attachment styles but do you know what your Love Style is? When it comes to a type, do you know who you are? If you haven’t taken my free love style quiz you should. In under five minutes and with only ten questions you will know how you love.

A love style is made up of two things,

  • 1. your attachment style which has been studied for over 50 years, and
  • 2. your communication style.
Background of the Quiz

Before I created my love style quiz I searched for paper-pencil and online assessments for attachment style. All the quizzes were either too long: 100 questions or you had to pay to get your results.  Even more discouraging were the results summarizing your attachment style. According to classic attachment style, you are either: secure, anxious–preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant sounds down-right depressing.  What do these descriptors even mean? If I am preoccupied, am I’m preoccupied with my thoughts, my work, or my cell phone?  Is the goal to become less preoccupied? If I was having a hard time understanding the meaning of these attachment styles how would someone without a background in psychology understand them?

As is usually the case, in order to do something right you need to do it yourself, I had the idea to come up with a quiz that was not only succinct, but I wanted to give results that were meaningful.  I decided to call the results from my quiz a person’s love style.  Your love style is the result of how your attachment plays out in your adult relationships.

My Communication Subscale:

In my 20 years as a psychologist, I’ve noticed that while two people may have the same attachment style they often look very different depending on how they communicate. Some people I call high expressive are those who have no trouble telling their partners what they need and want. On the other hand, those people who are low expressive people, often hold back speaking their truth. In each of the four main attachment styles, there is a high and low expressive subtype. For example, if you grew up in a home that was more on the independent or isolated side if you are high expressive you are an Independent Ian or Isabelle.

High versus Low Expressive:

The difference between a high versus a low expressive person may be very subtle but if this is you it’s significant. The high expressive type doesn’t have trouble sharing what they think or feel. In some ways, they might be too expressive. The low expressive person lots their voice somewhere. Think about it, children come into this world as high expressive types. It’s only when no one listens or society tells you that they don’t necessarily care what you have to say that you learn to shut down. But the solution here is for the low expressive to learn to communicate more and the high expressive to be aware of the impact of their communication levels on others.

How do you know me so well?

I’m flattered that most people find their quiz results accurate, however, I can’t imagine that I will get every person accurate so if your profile is 80-90% accurate I would consider that a huge success. 

If you find that your profile is not at least 80-90% correct, it might be that you answered the questions in a way that sounds ideal but is not accurate to your true personality.  Often the first time people take the test, they tend to answer the questions as they see themselves, not how they actually are.  If this applies to you, I encourage you to take it a second time, this time, try not to overthink but respond based upon real-world examples and feedback from others. For example, you may think that you are independent and calm down alone but others would say you calm down only after processing with others.

It’s sensitive though:

The profile you receive is more likely accurate if you didn’t overthink your answers.  If in your profile you came up with a Secure Sophia/Steve this would imply that you are easy-going, flexible, are low drama, and have a history of mainly stable relationships. If the feedback you have gotten from previous partners has been less than favorable, what might this mean? Less about the quiz, but what might you want to work on yourself?  Sometimes people who know us well often see us more accurately than we see ourselves.

What’s next 

Knowing your style is the first step, the next is to understand what your blind spots are, those things you have a hard time seeing, and to uncover why and how you might be sabotaging your relationships. Check out my Sales page where I release new courses designed specifically for you.

Summary

I tell my clients I’m a psychologist, not a psychic. The only way I can know for sure who you are is if I meet you and understand your background. In my 20 years of clinical experience, I have yet to find another theory that explains relationships better than Attachment Theory.  Let me know how I did on your results. Please share your profile with people you know well and see If they think it is accurate? Are your friends and family similar to you or different?

Warm wishes,

Dr. Diane

Back to Love Doc

 

29 comments to " What is a Love Style? "

  • Leaha

    So glad you wrote this post, I took your quiz and wanted to share how awesome I think the results are. You got me 100% and my husband, I’m a hesitant romantic and he’s a renaissance lover, confirms we are similar. Thanks for the tips, I’ve sent it to everyone I know. Love it!!

    • Diane Strachowski

      Leaha,
      Thanks for the feedback glad it was spot on.
      Dr. Diane

      • Crystal

        Attachment theory was recently introduced to me, and the quiz results definitely describe who I am. I really appreciate the feedback in the blinds spot and Want to have more success in your relationships section. The information is very insightful. I know that attachment theory is not an end all to my relationship woes, but knowledge is power. Thank you again!

      • Emily Harris

        Wow. I can’t get over these test results. Being relatively new in a relationship you hit it right on. Literally things that I’ve already seen come out and those blind spots I know I need to work on. Love it.

  • Nathan

    Dr Diane,
    I continue to find your posts really helpful in thinking about relationships. The quiz really opened my eyes on how to get along not only with my wife but my other relationships as well. I’m recommending it to all my firends.
    Thanks!

    • Diane Strachowski

      Nathan,
      Thanks for the feedback and the recommendations. I will post results when I get them.
      Dr. Diane

  • Kevin

    Dr. Diane:
    I really liked the quiz — short and to the point. It also painted a very accurate picture of who I am and as they say, “If the shoe fits – wear it”! That said I would love to understand as to how you take this to the next step — ALA Once you find out what your profile is., is there a way to work on it to improve in areas that could use improvement thus making you a much more secure partner and thus having a lot more to offer as an individual and a partner. I think that finding out your profile is a GREAT START — But I want more…..

    • Diane Strachowski

      Kevin,
      Thanks for your comment. Yes, I hope you signed up for my regular posts I will send out more information based upon love types and what people can do to improve. The best way to become more secure is to work on yourself in individual therapy and to find a good person to partner with. My website cannot be a substitute for therapy. If you are local to me, check out my services page and contact me if you are interested, this is my specialty area.
      Dr. Diane

  • martha

    I completely agree, You pretty much hit the nail on the head with mine! And I think it’s a great start to understanding what it is that I’m actually looking for in a partner. I normally have some many things going through my brain when I think about relationships and this helped me understand why I tend to think and act certain way. Looking forward to reading more! Great job!

    • Diane Strachowski

      Martha,
      Glad it helped you understand yourself better, stay tuned I will be posting more on the types.
      Thanks,
      Dr. Diane

  • Sam

    Your quiz was spot on.
    Interesting history on how you created it, I appreciate the lovely profile.

  • Jackie

    Your quiz was right on target of how I view myself and my relationships. I loved the descriptions- easy to understand and quiz was succinct and to the point. It was like you have known me for a long time.

  • Eric

    I was skeptical initially due to the online quizzes I’ve taken in the past not being accurate, but I was pleasantly surprised by the results of your quiz. The description of me was spot on and basically every attribute applied to me. The blind spots really gave me ideas of what to think about in my relationship that I hadn’t thought of before. I would say you are 99% accurate in your assessment!

    • Diane Strachowski

      Eric,
      Thanks for the lovely feedback. Yes, I really want people to focus on their blind spots these can be helpful when others may not give you direct feedback.
      Glad my quiz came out accurate for you.
      Best,
      Dr. Diane

  • Sagal

    Thank you I am a Renaissance Lover and it resonates with me. I wonder if there are tests that can tell me which Lover I am best matched with.

    Thanks!
    Sagal

    • Diane Strachowski

      Sagal,
      Good question, this is always a tricky thing to find out who is your best match for you. Couples who are more similar usually make for a better fit. As a Renaissance Lover your biggest challenge will be to communicate effectively with your partner especially when under stress and in particular if you partner with someone who is opposite of you. I am working on another post hopefully to answer more fully your question, I’ve gotten other questions similar to yours.
      Thanks so much for letting me know about your results,
      Best,
      Dr. Diane

  • Dee

    Spot on as a Hesitant Romantic – so scarily accurate! Would love to know what a good love style match would be (as someone mentioned a year ago). I wonder if that has already been created? Thank you for this quiz!

    • Diane Strachowski

      Dee,
      I don’t like to say one type is better or worse, but you probably need someone who has good communication skills. If you don’t speak up much partnering with someone like you might feel familiar but will you get anywhere? Find it in yourself to confront your own fears about speaking up. Ask yourself, “what do I have to loose?” Don’t assume it will be bad. Imagine yourself speaking your truth, and having a positive outcome, then do it. I’ll be sharing more about this but wanted to reply to your comment. Thanks for the feedback.
      Dr. Diane

  • AB

    I really appreciated the quiz and how the results made me think about compatibility. I’m an expressive giver and the person I’m dating is a hesitant romantic. I’m concerned that I might need more communication/connection than they can give. Any advice on how to ascertain that or how two different styles can find a happy middle ground? As a side not, having to pick a gender is frustrating. I consider myself genderqueer and my partner is nonbinary.

    • Diane Strachowski

      AB, sorry about the gender differentiations I need to fix that but yes the types apply to all people. Try to find a way to talk to your partner in a way they won’t be defensive, to ask for your needs without them feeling like they are inadequate or not giving you enough.

  • Christian

    I took the quiz and found the result to be unbelievably accurate , not quit sure how you did it ? I took a lot from it and am very grateful . I will definitely look further into it further

  • Jasmine Bernabe

    The profile was perfect, I was astonished by my results, as they are so true about me…Wow!

    I am speechless!

    Jasmine

  • Tamelia Barriffe

    I love this quiz. I smiled as to how accurate the result was.Also, it increased my self-awareness.

  • Jen

    Dr. Diane,
    My best friend sent this quiz and oh my goodness, its like I was reading up my own life. I laugh and wonder how could this be. I was honest with my selections because that is much easier and its more me, to be straight up. This was very interesting and a bit of an eye opener. I am tempted to have a friend fill it out about me base on their views of me.
    Thanks for the many tips about dating and reveling my truths.

  • Sarah

    I love this quiz. I learned a lot about myself by it helping put verbiage to a lot of trends in my life. I’m interested in learning more

  • Lauren

    I thought this was surprisingly accurate of how I operate! Thank you 🙂

  • Anne

    I think the blind spots is a great thing.
    I’d like there to be somewhere written classically where does my ‘loyal supporter’ fit in secure, anxious, avoidance so on. You are right your labels are better, but I can’t seem to figure out where I sit classically.
    I think if I was able to look a bit at the other results I’d be able to say, yes it fits or maybe not more accurately.
    That’s my only feedback. Thanks!

  • TC

    This quiz was incredible! it was so very accurate! it helped understand why past relationships failed and how to move forward as I happily date. Thanks so much, this was truly great!

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