Dr. Fred Luskin, a researcher at Stanford, did an interesting study; he first called it the ‘Forgiveness Trial’ but found that he didn’t get many participants. Instead, when he asked, ‘do you hold a grudge?’ more people enlisted.
Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they deserve your forgiveness.
There are also three types of forgiveness: exoneration, forbearance, and release.
We get the message it’s not good to hold a ‘grudge’ but forgiving is not the same as releasing the negative energy! It has to be ok to set limits, especially after you’ve seen something that looks like bad behavior.
What we’re really talking about here is how you’re feeling about someone else’s behavior rather than what they did or didn’t do for you personally–and how much control you have over those feelings.
Sometimes, you gotta let it go.
I’m not talking about Frozen here. I’m talking about the people in your life who want to make you feel like your energy is theirs to take and use however they want. They try to make you feel like they’re the only ones who can help you, but they’re actually just using your power for themselves. And that’s not cool!
So how do you get rid of them? Well, there are a few ways:
1. Set boundaries and don’t let anyone cross them.
2. Release yourself from their control over your emotions by letting go of the outcome (what you think will happen if they cross your boundary). Instead, focus on what this person is showing you about themselves by violating your boundaries—that way, when they cross them again later on down the line (and they probably will!), all that anger and resentment won’t build up inside of you because it’s already been released through forgiveness!
3. Trust that everything will work out for the best—even if it doesn’t seem like it at first glance! You can’t see what’s coming next; only the universe can see