Are you and your partner doing okay?
Do you ever find yourselves in fights that make no sense?
Sure, you know you’re fighting because someone is late to dinner, but why are they late to dinner?
You’re probably not asking the right questions. One of the most significant mistakes a couple makes is under-responding or dismissing their partner’s issues. You or your partner think, ‘Oh, that’s a YOU thing.’ You think they need therapy—you don’t look at your contribution to their issues.
But no one wants to be squashed or told what they feel doesn’t matter. As a couple, your partner’s issues will affect you.
Instead, try to understand your partner better, and that means their issues too. Think about preventing significant problems by checking in with one another to see how things are going. Pay attention to the minor signs. The biggest thing is to prevent resentment. By the time a couple goes to couples therapy, the bank of resentment is high. Partners feel unappreciated and feel misunderstood.
It’s never the last straw that causes a breakup; it’s all the straws that come before it.
Slow down, stop, take a minute and check
I’ve taken the pathology out of attachment styles by creating characters and giving them names. In my couples handbook, I describe the seven different individual attachment types (like Nervous Nora) and go over the ten unique couple pairs that can exist in a relationship (like Nervous Nora/Independent Ian).
You and your partner finally get a blueprint for your relationship that fits because Love is NOT one size fits all!