Being in a relationship should be fun. You should enjoy talking to your partner, spending time with them, and going out on dates. What’s the point of being in a relationship if you’re not happy being in each other’s presence?
New Relationship Anxiety
Now, it’s understandable if you find yourself afflicted by a case of the jitters before you go on a date with someone. Whether it’s a first date or the early stages of a new relationship, it’s only natural to get a bit nervous. If you’re nervous, that may actually be a good sign! Being nervous means you care, and it also signals that you and your date may have the potential to grow a connection.
Of course, not everyone gets nervous before a date, and that’s okay, too. Ultimately, going on a first (or second, or third) date should be relaxing, enjoyable, and memorable. You shouldn’t have to suffer from debilitating nerves that prevent you from having fun and connecting with your date.
Romancing Nervous Nora In A Relationship
If your love style is that of the Nervous Nora, you may be especially prone to anxiety and overthinking before dates. This, in turn, can lead to a host of negative consequences. Unfortunately, anxiety can precipitate a downward spiral and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You can effectively manifest the very thing(s) you were worried about through the power of negative thinking! What a cruel trick of nature.
The Nervous Nora has a compulsive need to be liked—and she worries about it a lot. Even the thought of being disliked or thought ill of can keep her up at night, wondering what she said or did wrong. That, paired with her borderline-desperate need for validation from others, makes for a pretty deadly combination.
To help cope with her anxiety and overthinking, the Nervous Nora may start overcompensating. This may serve her well in the workplace, but it’s not quite as effective on dates and in relationships. Nora may try to get her date to see her as a worthy and valuable prospective partner by covering up her own perceived flaws and feelings of inferiority. But ultimately, egregious overcompensation can come off as inauthentic, vain, and boastful.
On a date, Nora may also find herself overcome by nerves, to the point where she struggles to show off her true personality. As a result, she may become quiet and withdrawn, or rambly and near-manic.
To enjoy her date and her relationship, Nora has to be able to relax and learn to live in the moment. This isn’t something that she can solve overnight, but fortunately, there are a few tips that can help assuage nerves before the big date.
Tip For The Self
Remember, you don’t have to go on a date unless you really want to. But if you find that your anxiety only rises hours or minutes before the date starts, that may just be regular jitters. To set yourself at ease, remind yourself that your feelings are normal, valid, but likely temporary. Take some deep breaths, try to meditate, or do a bit of exercise. Gentle yoga is good because it’s low impact and won’t ruin your makeup and hair! Try a grounding technique, or have a drink; cool water or non-caffeinated tea works best to help you calm down. Even though it may be tempting, don’t reach for the alcohol, because nervous drinking can make things worse—plus, if it becomes a habit, it could lead to dependency.
Tips for The Date
If you find yourself plagued by anxiety, you may prefer to have some element of control during your date. We don’t recommend that you try to control your partner; instead, take control over the situation. Plan the date in a way that makes you feel most comfortable. Maybe this means choosing the time, date, or place. Or maybe it’s planning out a few outfits the night before, so there’s less pressure when it comes time to dress for your date.
Remember that dating nerves are very normal. But if you’re struggling to relax and enjoy yourself and the tips above just aren’t enough, try my Nervous Nora dating course. I can help you feel secure in yourself so that you can feel secure in your relationships!
Dating is hard! But if you are a Nervous Nora or Nick, it’s easy to question and second-guess every little thing. Just know that you’re not alone. If you feel that your attachment style is giving you grief, there are strategies you can apply that will open up new doors to happiness.
Take our Love Styles Quiz to find out more about what makes you tick. And when you are ready to break up with anxiety and move on from overthinking, try one of our online courses and break out of the cycle.