I have to admit that watching The Bachelor is one of my guilty pleasures—I hate that I love it, but I do. I look forward to Monday nights when I can escape into a show that promises drama. The next morning, I can’t wait to gossip with my girlfriends and place bets on who he will send home next.
While the show is not short of drama, they are short on Kleenex, Why? The answer to this question must be that they dislike the sound of sobbing people blowing their noses?
This season Chris Soules (aka Prince Farming) has been a little corny (ha ha) for my liking, but the bevy of beauties vying for his affections delivered some of the best Bachelor drama in history. Just look at Ashley S., Kelsey, and Britt. Need I say more? How could one put 30 single women in a competition for one man and not expect drama? At the last “Women Tell All” show, we got to see all the insecurities in one room. I bet Chris was wishing he had his boots and a hoe for all the apologies he had to shovel out!
Anyone who knows me knows I love statistics, so I had to ask: what are the chances of finding true love on The Bachelor? Out of 18 seasons, this being the 19th, ten men have gotten down on one knee and proposed, but only two of these proposals resulted in marriage (11% success rate). Are women any better at picking the men? On The Bachelorette, out of ten seasons, nine ended in proposals and three in marriage (33% chance). So women are slightly better at choosing a guy on this show. Overall, these numbers are similar to your chances of meeting your mate online. Chances of winning in love on The Bachelor are still better than winning the Power Ball lottery. However, the chances that the women who don’t get the final rose will be devastated are about 100%.
Watching the women go home in the limo is interesting for me; typically she does one of two things. First, she asks, “What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t he pick me?” The error she makes is in taking the whole thing personally. Instead of saying, “Wow, the odds were more in favor of my going home,” she beats herself up for somehow not being good enough. Next, she regrets either sharing too much or too little. Take Kaitlyn, the most recent woman to go home. Up until her exit, she was very cool, easy-going, funny, and fun. In the exit limo, though, she’s saying, “Wow! I finally let my guard down and see what happened?” You get the feeling that she’s making a note to herself: Don’t do that again. Besides my question to the network, “Why can’t you afford any tissues for these women?” For the dejected women, I ask, why not celebrate the fact that you took a chance on love, instead of beating yourself up?
Don’t get me wrong. I understand the sadness that comes from having your heart broken—the shock and fear of having to start over. With that many women competing for the same man, there’s obviously a scarcity of men on the show. This doesn’t translate to reality, though—surely there are more farmers in Iowa if that’s the prize you’re after. So, if I were coaching the women on The Bachelor, I would remind them that their odds of winning are very low. However, these odds are even lower if they don’t take a chance. Regardless of whether you go on TV looking for love or you do so in the privacy of your own home, the more chances you take at romance, the more likely you are to actually find it!
So once, just once, I would love to hear a woman in the limo say something like, “Good for me. I gave love a chance. I know my man is out there and not only did I learn some things about myself, I will find a better match next time.” And why assume that the Bachelor is the great One That Got Away? These women were chosen for him. He was not chosen for them.
So tomorrow, whether you watch the final rose with friends or at home in your pj’s, I would ask you to decide how you would handle yourself if you were on national television. Would you be open, upbeat, take a chance and share your feelings? Or would you be shy, reserved, skeptical, and protective? Sure, love is thorny just like those roses, but you have to play to win. Accept the challenge to push yourself and go after what you want. If it doesn’t work, tell yourself, “I’m learning and growing.”
Alfred Lord Tennyson put it best:
I hold it true, what’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
’Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
SECURE SUMMARY: What happens when people open their hearts? They take a chance on love!
Did you predict who would get the Final Rose? What do you love and hate about the Bachelor?
Share your comments. I’d love to hear from you.