Have you ever wondered why you seem to be unlucky in love? Do you know your love style?
Everyone has a love style. Many of us are Nervous Noras (or Nicks). This isn’t necessarily a bad thing—after all, to each their own. But if you find that being a Nervous Nora is putting a crimp in your dating life, you may be wondering if there’s anything you can do about it.
What is Your Love Style?
So how can you tell if your love style is a Nervous Nora or Nick?
- You are prone to anxiety and overthinking
- You are sensitive, affectionate, and wear your heart on your sleeve
- You have an anxious or nervous attachment style
- You fear rejection
- You struggle to form and maintain healthy boundaries and have a habit of giving people too many chances and putting their needs above your own
- You want to believe in love but have been hurt before, and that makes you a bit skeptical
- If and when you do get attached, it happens quickly and intensely
- You want (maybe even need) people to like you. When you think they don’t, it becomes a significant source of stress for you
If you think you might be a Nervous Nora or Nick, you have what’s called an anxious attachment style. That means you have trouble feeling secure in relationships—and this often manifests in your romantic life. So here are three things to know about Nervous Nora/Nick:
1. There's more than one way to be a Nervous Nora/Nick
Not all Noras/Nicks show their anxious attachment style in the same way. For example, some are what I call ‘low expressive,’ while others are ‘high expressive.’ Both tend to be supportive, empathetic, intuitive, loving, and have a genuine concern for the wellbeing of others. However, in my experience, ‘low’ Noras and Nicks tend to be thoughtful and a little more reserved in asking for what they want or need. On the other hand, ‘High expressive’ Noras and Nicks wear their hearts on their sleeves and often feel the need to share their thoughts and feelings—whether or not it’s appropriate.
2. It Affects Your Life Outside of Dating Too
Being a Nervous Nora usually affects more than just our dating relationships. It can seep into all parts of our life, including relationships with family, friends, and even ourselves. It speaks to our individual need to be validated—that our partners are happy with us, that we didn’t do anything to upset them, or that we are simply enough. Ultimately, Nervous Noras crave reassurance to feel secure in life. Overthinking is a common trait: in life, this can manifest as overachievement and perfectionism, but in romantic relationships, it comes off as clingy or anxious.
3. It May Affect What We Want/Need From A Partner
To feel happy and stable in a relationship, Noras and Nicks need consistent communication and affection. They like to feel included, involved, and in the know. But what Nervous Noras and Nicks want more than anything is to be heard and understood by their partner, and vice versa. They dislike conflict and want to know where they and their partner stand after a fight. They don’t like to let the sun go down on their anger. Nervous Noras and Nicks are content and happy when their needs are met by their romantic partners.
Dating is hard! But if you are a Nervous Nora or Nick, it’s easy to question and second-guess every little thing. Just know that you’re not alone. If you feel that your attachment style is giving you grief, there are strategies you can apply that will open up new doors to happiness.
Take our Love Styles Quiz to find out more about what makes you tick. And when you are ready to break up with anxiety and move on from overthinking, try one of our online courses and break out of the cycle.